Well I sit here not soo busy and think...and think...and think! By the way Thinking can really hurt your brain some days! I just have to wonder why and how my life has changed in the ways it has! There have been lots and lots of negatives in the past year and half, but there have been some positives as well!!!
Having gone through the MAJOR LIFE CHANGES I have learned lots of new things, met new people, re-kindled friendships, learned more about myself and who I am! It has tested my patience and strength each and every day!!! All I have to say is watch out bc I am pretty strong willed these days! :)
What I still don't understand to this day is how someone that you LOVE so much and spent so many years with could treat you the way that they do and furthermore treat a child the way they do! I have always dreamed of having a husband forever and a father for my child forever! I didn't grow up with the father daughter bond you hear about and wanted that so much for AK! I had a wonderful step dad that no one could ever replace! Most people don't even know its my step Dad!!! When you give this person the opportunity to spend extra time with their daughter and they turn it down! When you try to work with them to arrange things so you can still do some things you want to do its not good enough. When you get the phone calls from them saying that they are headed out of town and dosen't have time for their daughter on their weekend you need to keep her. What do you do...Well I flew off the handle bc I couldn't belive it!!!! I simply try to be human and ask him to watch her for a weekend so I can enjoy myself and he goes crazzzy!!! I don't want her 2 weeks in a row!! Shows what a father you are!!!! And then he tells me I am unreasonable! REALLY???? I'm sorry Mr. wanting to be 18 again and party, and have relationships with more than 1 woman, and eat my cherrios too!!!! LIFE DOSEN'T WORK THAT WAY!!!!
My prayer is that AK grows up and makes her own decisions! I pray that she sees all the good I have done for her and appreciates all that I have done for her!! I strive to make sure that she is okay and has everything that she needs and more!!! SHE IS MY LIFE!!!
I even pray each day that GOD will give us a man that has family values and morals! Someone that will LOVE me for me and LOVE AK for AK!!! I want a STEP-DAD for her like the one GOD gave me!!!
I pray that I can have patience to wait for that person as GOD has a plan and this is one of the things that I am learning everyday.
So today I am praying for STRENGTH because its just been that kind of day!!!
"With GOD all things are possible"
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